#36: Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

This one’s personal. In this episode, I open up about a health crisis that forced me to slow down, look inward, and face some hard truths about the ways I was getting in my own way—even when everything looked “productive” on the surface. We’ll talk about how self-sabotage often masks itself as perfectionism, overwork, procrastination, or staying small—and why it’s usually rooted in survival, not weakness.

If you’ve ever delayed launching something, downplayed your prices, stayed busy to avoid discomfort, or held back your real voice because it didn’t feel “safe”... this episode is for you.

I’ll share what I’ve learned (and what I’m still learning) about breaking these patterns—with curiosity, compassion, and just one small shift at a time.

In this episode, we cover:
• What self-sabotage really looks like for creatives
• How survival patterns sneak into your business
• Personal stories I’ve never shared publicly—until now
• Why done is better than perfect
• Three small actions to break the cycle and move forward

This one’s for the makers, the dreamers, and anyone trying to build something real—without burning out.
 Let’s talk about it. Let’s try a new rhythm.

👉 Find tools, coaching, and the Transform course at courtneygrayarts.com

Transcript

 Hey friend. Welcome back to the 

  Jewelers View. Okay. I know these are all personal. This one is really personal and it's raining here in Austin. Outside my window as we speak, it's kind of perfect. It fits the mood of this topic,.  I wanna talk to you today about something that's been coming up for me lately and for so many of the artists and entrepreneurs that I work with. Self sabotage, not in a shamey, get your act together kind of way, but with curiosity and compassion.

Self-sabotage isn't laziness. It's usually self-protection. It's a habit we picked up somewhere along the line to survive, especially when things felt uncertain, overwhelming, or just really hard. But if you're listening to this show, I know you're not just here to survive. You're here to build something real, something that aligns with you now and to thrive.

So last year I ended up in the ER with pancreatitis. This is one of the worst organs, the most painful things to go through.  This wasn't from one wild night of me drinking a bunch of alcohol, and it wasn't just about having a glass of wine after a long day.

It was years of unprocessed trauma, years of one thing after another. Grief, pressure, heartbreak, pain, all stacked up with nowhere to go, no space to land. And wine for me became the thing I reached for because I didn't know how else to pause, how else to soften the edges of all of the things. Honestly, I nearly did not make it out. I was hospitalized seven times over the course of nine months, and the doctors could not figure out why it wouldn't go away. It was an extremely acute case, and at one point I literally could not eat.

I couldn't even drink water without enormous amounts of pain. I lost about 80 pounds, and this is not from some wellness plan, though I wasn't complaining too much about that piece, but because my body was literally shutting down every time I thought I was healing, it would flare up again. I had already stopped drinking, of course, at that point, but the damage had been done.

It simply wouldn't clear, and looking back, I can see it now. I wasn't slowing down. I was pushing when I should have been resting. Numbing when I needed to just feel things and trying to hold it all together when I really needed to just ask for help or let something go. I wasn't listening to my body. I wasn't listening to myself or my intuition.

I just kept going like I always had, thinking I had to hold everything up, even when it was all too heavy. This was terrifying, and it was an incredibly humbling experience. It also forced a kind of reckoning. It made me look at the patterns that I had normalized over the years. The ones I thought were keeping me functional when they were actually keeping me from growing and from healing.

I made the decision to quit drinking altogether. And what surprised me most about this, 'cause I had been putting that off, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Something that once felt so important, just lost its grip. I realize that the habits that we clinging to often aren't about joy or celebration or treating ourselves.

They're about getting by, about keeping our heads above water, and sometimes we don't even realize that we're doing it until we crash or hit some sort of rock bottom place. Now, I've sabotaged myself in all kinds of ways. So this is a big one for me. I've done it through sugar. I've done it through cigarettes, wine, even just staying still too long and getting myself into a hole, like a dark deep hole of depression laying around in a fog instead of facing what needs to move.

Repeating stories in my head that were just plain cruel and letting someone else's opinion of me matter more than my own. Now self-sabotage does not always scream. It's quiet and it's sneaky and it hides in what feels familiar, what feels safe. It tells you that you're being productive or responsible or strong when really you're just avoiding something that needs your attention.

Self-sabotage is sneaky it rarely looks like full on destruction. It looks like staying busy instead of being intentional. Redoing your website instead of launching it, waiting until something's perfect before you decide to share it or holding back your best work because you're afraid no one's gonna get it.

We do it because we're scared of failing or scared of succeeding. Not being able to sustain that success. We're so used to struggle that success feels unfamiliar, it feels unsafe and unfamiliar can feel threatening even when it's what we say that we want. We're worried that we're not really good enough, so we procrastinate.

We overthink. We stay in motion or in research mode instead of moving forward with clarity, with action. I had to come to terms with this one. We don't self-sabotage because we're weak. We do it because somewhere along the line we learn to survive instead of thrive.

Now, here's how I see it show up again and again, especially with creatives, you keep watching tutorials instead of making your own work. You call it research, but really you're avoiding the discomfort of just beginning your own thing. You undercharge over deliver, and then burnout. You start over again because you're afraid to commit to what's already maybe working.

You follow up with everyone else's ideas, but not your own. And you keep renaming your offer or your brand because deep down you're afraid to stand still. And many of us collect tools and courses and templates, but we never actually use them or put 'em into action. It feels like momentum.

It's often just another way of circling the work instead of doing it. Now, I've done all of that. That's why I'm here talking to you about it today. I've renamed a project halfway through a launch. I've changed my mind on a website design right before we hit publish. Because I got spooked, something didn't feel quite perfect or aligned, or it just simply changed my mind because suddenly it felt like too much, too fast sometimes, or like maybe people wouldn't get it if it was too authentic or too personal.

So I changed the name or the offer or the timeline, trying to make it feel safer instead of seeing it through. I've gone into overdrive in my business thinking if I push harder, I'll get through. There's some sort of finish line that I'll reach. I've sprinted through to-do lists like everything is urgent or open heart surgery, and then crashed, and then wondered why I felt disconnected, unsure, or resentful towards the work.

That's sabotage too. It just wears a little bit of a different outfit. It looks like hard work, right? It looks like drive, but underneath it, it's avoidance and it's fear dressed up as productivity. So what do we do when we recognize these patterns? Here's what I'm practicing. First, just notice it. Don't beat yourself up. Ask, what am I really trying to avoid right now? Or what am I afraid will happen if I just show up as I am, kind of what I'm doing today? Then try this. Put it out there before you've overworked it to death. I work in wax. I can relate to this. I can work a wax to death. There is a point, a breaking point, literally with wax.

You've gotta lay it down, let it rest, and then ship it out there. Don't let a beautiful piece sit on your bench or in your safe just because it's not perfect yet. Perfectionism will keep you polishing forever. Instead of connecting with the people who would actually wear your work. Now, sometimes 80% is enough.

Done and shared is better than hidden and unfinished.

Sometimes the bravest thing is staying with the thing that you've already started, not scrapping it, not starting over. Just staying in it and finishing. Maybe that's choosing one small, doable task and actually finishing it, resting without guilt. That's part still hard for me, but I'm learning catch this self-talk.

If it's cruel, if it's panicky, it's probably not true. And remind yourself that just because something feels familiar or safe. It doesn't mean that it aligns with how you want to grow or how you would like to live your life. Okay? So if this episode brought something up for you, I know this one's a big one for me to share.

I wasn't gonna share that information. It's it's private, it's personal, but you know what, maybe you can resonate with this one. I want you to know that you're not alone. We all carry patterns that once helped us cope, and now they're quietly keeping us from stepping into something better.

But it's not about being perfect, it's about choosing something new. One tiny moment, one little habit at a time. We don't self-sabotage because we're weak. We do it because somewhere along the line we learn to survive instead of thrive. But here's what I want to leave you with. Three small things that you could try this week or just pick one.

Pick one piece and finish it. Not a new idea, not a whole line of jewelry, just one piece. Start to finish. Even if it's not your favorite, even if you're not sure where it fits yet or who it's for, let yourself complete something and call it done. The second thing, say something out loud that you've been keeping quiet.

Maybe it's a price that you've been afraid to say, or maybe it's reaching back out to someone who was interested in your work and you haven't corresponded with lately. Maybe it's just telling a friend, I want to take this seriously. Let someone else hear you say it. Let it exist outside of your head.

And here's the third thing. Rest before you think that you've earned it, even if it's 10 minutes, lay down, step outside, put your feet in the grass. Don't wait until your list is done. Because here's the thing, it never will be your creativity needs space. Not just output. It needs perspective time. It needs reflection time and you need rest.

So here's your check-in for the week. Where are you pausing your own progress in the name of protection and what would it feel like to just try a different rhythm on to trust that your work doesn't have to be perfect to be powerful? Now if this resonated, I want you to share it with a friend who maybe needs to hear it today or send me a message

at hi@courtneygrayarts.com. I always love hearing what you're walking through. Thank you for being here, for showing up, for letting me get vulnerable with you, and I will see you next time. Onward and upward. 

  📍  📍 Thanks for listening to The Jeweler's View. If today's episode gave you something to think about, consider sending it to a friend or share it on social and tag me at Courtney Gray Arts. You'll find tools, coaching resources, and the transform course@courtneygrayarts.com. And if no one's told you this lately, remember you're not behind.

You're becoming exactly the kind of maker your business needs and that kind of depth. It takes time. I'll be back next week, same time, same tough love, onward and upward. I.