#7 "Do It Until You Become It: Confidence for Creatives"

 In this empowering episode, we delve into the challenging yet rewarding journey of building confidence. Join us as we explore how to overcome vulnerability and perfectionism, and take courageous steps toward putting yourself out there. Courtney shares personal anecdotes about her experience as a singer and frontwoman, providing relatable insights into facing fears and growing beyond comfort zones. Tune in for practical tips on creating confident pitches, leveraging social media, embracing criticism with compassion and focusing on progress over perfectionism. If you're ready to transform self-doubt into self-assuredness and showcase your unique talents to the world, this episode is a must-listen!

Transcript

  📍 Hey friend, let's talk about something I know can be tough for so many of us. Confidence. Today we're diving into how to build it, fake it if you need to at first, and finally put yourself out there with courage and authenticity. I know this is a recurring theme that I've been talking about. If you've been listening along, we're going to keep driving into it until it becomes part of us.

All right. So here's the question. How do you show up whether it's with your jewelry, your art, or your business when it feels so vulnerable and scary? By the end of this episode, you'll have real tools to build confidence, tackle perfectionism, and take actionable steps towards sharing your work boldly. I want to share with you an experience that I've been through and I still go through.

As you may have heard me mention, I am a singer and front woman and a songwriter for a band called Suburban Beat here in Austin, Texas. We're lucky enough to play a kick ass venue every month, and I've got to get out there and get on stage, whether I feel like it or not at the time. When I'm on stage, it's just me.

There's no instrument to hide behind, I don't play guitar, I don't play keys, I don't have a big bulky bass or something to hide behind. It's literally me and a microphone, singing lyrics that I wrote that feel deeply personal. It's raw, and it's vulnerable. When we first started the band, and I always said, I'm going to start singing in my 30s.

And sure enough, age 31, my husband heard me sing. We were married for seven years before he knew I could sing. We'd had two children and I told him a couple of times, he's the musician and I was like the creative, art jewelry maker and school owner. And we kept those paths separate until we were about seven years into marriage.

funny enough. So one day I got invited to go to the back of this grocery store in East Austin. Super cool Mexican grocery store with all these really cool authentic Mexican candles and herbs and all kinds of things. Anyway, in the back, these guys were total geeks and loved playing music.

So they asked me to come and sing. And my friend looked at me and she said there's the tequila. And there's the microphone. So I got the nerve up and I got on the microphone. I think we sang like black magic woman or something, a couple of songs that they knew. And we did those over and over again.

They had the gear to record and I brought that CD home and my husband put it in and he played it and he said, Oh, you can sing. I said, yeah, I've been telling you. So sure enough, he's in the music world. He started inviting some players over a drummer. We had a bass player another guitar player who played slide guitar.

And we started a band in the garage. guess that's how that goes. Same with my business, funny enough. So when we started, we played for  like a year and we just practiced and we wrote a bunch of really cool songs, all originals. We did some covers, but mostly wrote, writing original. And we, when we started, we got about a year in, I did not want to leave the garage, everybody looked at me and said, okay, so when are we going to do a gig?

And I was like, I'm not doing a gig. I'm not getting on stage with, this is way too personal, way too vulnerable. It's not safe out there. I knew I'd never grow if I didn't step out of that comfort zone. So we booked a gig. I started showing up on stage and kind of facing those fears that we talked about in the other episode about fear and failure, learning some hard lessons, learning that you just keep moving forward with music.

You don't. Don't hesitate. Each moment moves to the next in a really lovely way. And people don't hear the mistakes that you hear. So it's the same with putting your jewelry or your art out there. It's vulnerable, but staying in the comfort zone means no one's ever gonna see or appreciate what you create.

I had to learn how to show up and I know you can too. So I want to reframe this cliche, I used to say fake it till you make it and I did do that. Okay, I'm just going to pretend I'm a singer and I'm going to get on stage. I'm going to pretend I'm a professional jewelry maker. And then hopefully people will start buying my work instead of this.

I don't like fake it. We're not faking anything. Let's say do it until you become it. Confidence isn't something that we're born with. It's something you practice. Let's start before you're ready. The more you take action, the more you'll prove to yourself what you're capable of.

Perfectionism can hold us back. It can keep us in the garage. It can keep us in the safe place. Nobody's there to judge you. Nobody's there to criticize. Nobody's there to stare at you while you're singing your heart out, or putting your work out in front of them to examine, turn over, and look at the back of, right?

Remember, the flaws that you obsess over, no one even notices them most of the time. Now, I know we're jewelers, so we do look at each other's work, and we do flip it over, and we're gonna probably point out if we can see that solder joint, or the sprue line that you forgot to grind off. But what they see, what most people are going to see is the beauty and the effort in your work.

We see the flaws. So don't forget it's very different. It's all about perspective when you mess up and you will look for the lesson instead of beating yourself up. Progress is the goal here, not perfection.

so how do we build confidence? A couple of things that I'm going to suggest that you try, and I'm doing the same thing over here. So we'll do it together, we'll get vulnerable together, and face the fear and step into ourselves a little bit more each time. Practice on video. yourself talking about your work.

Watch it back to see what you like, and tweak what you don't. I did this with my singing, my early videos were rough, you guys. But I adjusted and I improved. I remember seeing my first recording at a club called One to One Bar here in Austin. And they offered, Hey, we will record the whole show and we'll give,   you guys a USB with the recording.

You can use it however you'd like.  Oh, awesome. Yeah, let's do it. So we're watching this back and I was terrified. I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm barely moving around. I look like a statue., I was frozen. I was not moving around. I wasn't being a performer, which, I, there's all kinds of ways to perform, but.

Man, did it help me. It was hard to watch, but it taught me how I wanted to show up and how I wanted to perform. So when you're talking about your work, let's talk about confidence in that work and creating a pitch that's confident. So this is something that we call. Your 11 second speech. It's an old school way of,.

Okay, you have 11 seconds or the elevator pitch. I'm sure you've heard of this, but let's go over it again. The elevator pitch is  I've got  seven floors to describe what I do before the elevator doors open and that person walks out. So you've got just a few seconds to engage and gosh, is this true on social media, right?

What do you have  two to three seconds if you're lucky? So I want to practice this with you guys. Sure. And craft a short, confident pitch about who you are and what you do. And then I want to practice this until it feels really natural. So think about this. How can you get what you do into a few sentences?

Put the intention behind it. Who's it for? Why do you do it? And  light up when you talk about it, as much as you would if you were really confident about it. Again, I don't like the fake it till you make it. Let's practice it till we become it instead. So some of the things that we can do to create some mantras for confidence.

Maybe we need a good mantra. Write affirmations like, I am capable. My work is valuable. I have something unique to offer. And repeat these daily. It literally rewires your mindset. It will start sinking in, believe it or not, that repetition works and it's going to get you more confident with presenting it.

Say you're in the elevator with a billionaire and he's  wow, I really like that jewelry that you're wearing and you say, yeah, I made it you have an opportunity there to pitch him to sell them on something. Oh my gosh, use that. And I'll tell you what else, have your information ready to share.

Make sure you get that email or that phone number if they show interest and the worst they can say is no. So try it anyway. let's nail down a few sentences about your work and what you're for and what you're about. And it's not just  I make silver jewelry because I like shiny things.

This is  I make jewelry to empower people. So when they put it on in the morning, they feel, Amazing. It reflects their personality. I work one on one with clients or  I have a line of jewelry. That's about this and speak to it with confidence.

 let's practice this together. So if you're not doing this already, this is a huge way to build your  business is just walking around in the world and on social media, of course, and reaching out to your audience.  Through emails. I'm capable. My work is valuable and I have something unique to offer.

Repeat this daily and let's rewire our mindset. Start with friends and family. I always say it's a little safer. Play that music in front of your first with people who are going to support you, right? Share your work or your ideas with people that you trust first. Their support can give you the boost that you need to start reaching out to people and strangers that you haven't met yet.

Let's focus on the good feedback that you get and try not to hyper focus on one negative comment when there's tons of great feedback surrounding that one negative  Most criticism reflects the other person's insecurities, not your value. And I could dig into this all day. Why do people want to push you down when you're doing something that's so vulnerable already? I think this comes from a lot of different places for people. And I don't love it that this is part of human nature and it's going to come up.

Usually it's because that person criticizing others is stuck in a scarcity mindset. They're using your growth to push themselves along as well or Reflecting their frustrations on to somebody else. I don't think it's very healthy But unfortunately it comes up and it's gonna happen The more you put yourself out there the more feedback you're gonna get and a likelihood of  That being like 5 percent negative and the rest positive It's possible.

It's going to happen. So how do we address the haters? In episode six, we talked about how negativity often stems from scarcity and fear. Remember, most critics are projecting their own discomfort. They're not judging your worth. It's really all about them. Think about older people who complain a lot, or people in general who complain a lot. Usually, they're often uncomfortable in their own skin or circumstances. It's the same with people who criticize. They're speaking from their own frustration, not your value. I have to share this quick story. It just came to me.

I have two sons, as I've mentioned, and for those parents out there, we can be super protective of our kids. And I get it, but there was  a woman that I thought  was really lovely. I thought We were friendly.  Her son was friends with my youngest son, and my youngest son could get a little feisty, and he had some angry outbursts when he was younger, and even into his teens, we're working on it still.

But one day they were at school, I think this was like fifth or sixth grade, and Rex came to Tristan while Tristan was working   on his computer, and Rex closed the computer, snapped it shut in front of him, and Tristan reached out and grabbed Rex's arm to stop him, and his fingernails were a little jagged at the time, or one of them was, I swear we cut the nails guys, we're pretty sanitary over here, but he grabbed his arm,  and scratched it and left a mark.

So when Rex got in the car after school, he told his mom and his mother texted me. She didn't call. She texted me outraged, completely over the top outraged, like nothing I've ever heard from anybody. It was so unbelievable. She was so angry. about this scratch. She sent a picture of his arm and it, there was a scratch there.

It was a red mark. He wasn't bleeding,  nothing's on fire,  kids fight, they're gonna, they're gonna get into these incidents are going to come up. She used this opportunity to completely devalue me as a parent It ripped me up. And I'm not talking about just once.

This went on for days and days. And I probably egged it on a little bit like, wow, I'm just trying to kill her with kindness, why don't you call me and let's talk it through and let's let the kids talk it through so that they can make up and move forward. No, I want nothing to do with you.

You need parenting classes. What is wrong with you? I'm sure that Tristan is crying right now, making assumptions about  how he was handling the situation. It was so bizarre. I have no idea what was going on for this woman. And at the end of the day, I had to sit back and be like, Whoa,  she was calling me too laid back and da.

I don't even know. Like I, wow. It was overwhelming. So at the end of it, I was like, okay, something has got to be going on with her. Because I've never been awful to this person. There's no reason for this outburst, except something's going on with them. So I know it's hard to be compassionate sometimes, but we got to look at where's this stemming from.

If somebody's ripping you up online or putting out a bad comment, there's something going on with them. They're lacking somewhere, or their fear is totally taking over, their self worth, something is coming up for them, and it's not our job to fix it, but we certainly don't have to internalize it and take it home and let it defeat us in any way.

Okay sorry, side note there, thought it was relative. Crazy stuff. Sometimes people just come out and rip you up for what seems like no reason, but it's always something to do with them, typically. Okay, back to action steps. I want you guys to take some action this week, okay?

Let's create some quick wins. What about sitting down and filming a 30 second video about your work? Don't worry about perfection, okay? Just hit record and celebrate showing up. Enjoy it and play with this. Maybe do it two or three times. I have to sit down and record things a couple times before it flows.

Keep trying until you get it right. Pay attention to the fear that comes up and the vulnerability, and zoom in on that. Okay, we're gonna do it again. Let's do it again. Write that 11 second speech or the elevator pitch and practice saying it to the mirror or a friend until it flows. And this can go in that 30 second video.

Heck, you might love it. Let's post it on social media and tell people a little bit about yourself, right? Start engaging in a new way that's really vulnerable and authentic. Here's another one. Maybe share one piece of your work on social media that you haven't shared yet. And let's focus on the positive responses and ignore the self judgment or any kind of negativity that might come from it.

I'm encouraging you to do this consistently. It's one of the biggest things I bring to my clients when I'm working one on one. Consistency. Confidence builds with practice. Start small and keep showing up. It's going to get easier every time.

Okay, so today We sidetracked a little and went into, motherhood and all of the things that come with life. But the main focus today I'm hoping for you is confidence. It's not something you wait for. It's something you build by showing up. It's not just going to show up without practice. So take the small steps and embrace the process.

 This gets easier. I promise. I'm so freaking proud of you for showing up and doing this work. If you're following along, if you're actually taking action on some of these, little challenges that I'm presenting to you. Hopefully they're obtainable and you can fit them into your weekly as you go along with your regular life and agenda.

I want you to remember you are valuable. You are important. You're a total badass. Keep going. The world needs what only you can create. Next week, we're diving into swimming hard. I like to say dive in and swim hard, and I'm going to share with you a process that took me a while to build my step by step system for engaging with clients and getting the deposit.

So don't miss that. Okay. And until then, of course, reach out to me at Courtney Gray Arts. Email me, hi at CourtneyGrayArts. com. Check out my website for the free Courage, Clarity, and Customers Guidebook,  📍 if you haven't already. Join that newsletter because I want to keep rooting you on. I'm here with you along your journey, and I can't wait to see what you create.

Until next week, onward and upward.