#5 Facing and Reconciling Fear of Failure, Rejection and Career Changes

In this episode of the Jeweler's View, hosted by Courtney Gray, we delve into the crucial topic of fear and how it can impact our personal and professional lives. Courtney shares a heartfelt story about a student facing overwhelming fear and provides practical strategies for identifying and overcoming different types of fear, such as fear of rejection, failure, and change. The episode offers actionable tips like the worst-case scenario technique and fear action reversal to help listeners turn fear into a catalyst for growth. Additionally, listeners are encouraged to celebrate small wins, reframe failure as learning, and share their creative work despite the fear of judgment. The episode wraps up with a challenge to confront at least one fear this week. Stay tuned for next week's discussion on money mindset and pricing work authentically.

Helping Jewelry Creatives access the knowledge, resources, and mindset they

need to achieve goals they once thought impossible.

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– Courtney
Helping Jewelry Creatives access the knowledge, resources, and mindset they

need to achieve goals they once thought impossible.

Connect with me:

🤗 Linktree: All My Links

🎁 Get your FREE guide: Courage, Clarity, and Customers

Transcript

2- Episode 5: Facing and Reconciling Fear of Rejection, Bad Reviews, and Career Transitions

[00:00:00] Courtney Gray's video recording: Okay, my friends, welcome back to the Jeweler's View. Courtney here. Today, we're diving into a big topic. And first, before we do, I really want to say thank you so much. Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming each week to join me here. This takes me some time, and I really do appreciate You seeing the value in it.

[00:00:23] Also Thank you for sharing it with a friend or a colleague who maybe needs a little pep talk from Courtney, we all can use a little pep talk sometimes. And that's what I'm here for. This series on mindset is I'm going to write it out till about the end of the year, and then we're going to start bringing in.

[00:00:41] Some really cool guests that you will know and want to hear from on a deeper level So stay tuned and thank you so much for sharing. Thank you for showing up for yourself here This is all about growth. It's all about moving our business forward creating momentum and [00:01:00] enjoying the process. Let's dive in today.

[00:01:03] I want to talk to you about the big one, the F word fear, and specifically facing and reconciling fear, whether it's rejection, bad reviews, making a big life change. That's a big one for me or pivoting in your career. Maybe you're thinking about going full time with your creative business and you're worried.

[00:01:23] It's scary. I know I get it. I'm with you. It is so scary and it brings up a lot of fear. So I'm hoping this episode, in fact, I know this episode is going to bring you some clarity on when and how your fear shows up and what it's really trying to tell you. Is it a valid fear that keeps you safe or is it a perceived fear that's holding you back in fight, flight, or freeze mode?

[00:01:49] More F words, right? I want to leave you with at least one tool today to override that fear. Even if that's just recognizing it and paying attention to [00:02:00] when it surfaces and why I want to tell you about a student that came into my studio when I had creative side, she was really determined. She was so excited about this new adventure, new endeavor, and she had really high hopes for it.

[00:02:16] Unfortunately. She was facing some personal struggles in her life and she came to me one day and she said could I talk to you About a tool that I'm looking at buying and I said of course come in and we shut the door and she sat down and you could kind of feel her energy was really excited, but also really nervous and scared and kind of in that place of overthinking and Overplanning and, trying to make sure all the T's were crossed before she could move forward.

[00:02:43] So she came into my office and she started tearing up as she was explaining that her husband didn't support her pursuit of jewelry making. He had even threatened her to take the kids away if she kept going down this path. She felt paralyzed like she couldn't [00:03:00] move forward. She didn't know which way to go and it all came down to her really wanting this one tool thinking that this one Specific it was a very specialized tool I think it was a wolf tool and it was something that she really didn't need at this stage in her path She was a beginner So the issue wasn't the tool, it was the fear of rejection, and the belief that she wasn't good enough to succeed on her own, or wasn't going to be supported by her family.

[00:03:30] I reassured her that her talent didn't depend on any one piece of equipment, but on her own vision and skill. Many of us, I think, experience this fear at some point, feeling like we need something external to validate us. But the truth is, the courage to continue is what will lead to success. Now, I know that's a, kind of an extreme case.

[00:03:52] She was going through a lot of personal stuff. We all have personal stuff going on. Most of the time. I'm sure you can relate. So I want [00:04:00] to dive in so we can understand fear a little bit more deeply and where and how it's showing up and really why. So we can, stay curious about it and dissolve it when it's not appropriate.

[00:04:12] for the timing. So fear is really a survival mechanism. It's designed to protect us. It's a survival tool that helped our ancestors avoid predators. Today, however, we face different kinds of fears, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and fear of change. So there's a biological versus imagined threat here.

[00:04:36] And while fear keeps us alert to physical danger, now, our brains react to perceived threats, like putting ourselves out there creatively, or making a big career change, just as strongly as they would if we were facing a wild animal. So when this fear arises, I want you to remember, it's natural. It's in our DNA, but you have [00:05:00] control over how you respond.

[00:05:02] Sometimes it feels like we have not even a full second to make these choices and decide how we're going to react. So we have to start catching it from the beginning, right when it pops up. And that's why , I I want us all to sit with this and really think really observe ourselves.

[00:05:18] When is it popping up? Why? What triggered it? Am I really responding to a predator here or a situation that I need to fight, flight, or freeze? So remember, it's natural. It's going to come up just as strongly as it could facing a wild animal. We do have control over how we respond. Taking that moment to restart with a deep breath, so maybe the 4 7 8 breath.

[00:05:46] Inhale for 4, hold for 7, and exhale longer than all of it for 8 seconds. And as you breathe, talk to your fear. It's part of you, but it doesn't [00:06:00] need to control you. Practice this. I know it's a little woo, but let's go for it. We've got to try something. This fear is not going to lead. Us. It's not allowed.

[00:06:11] It's going to be a part of you. It's going to be there. So learning to talk to it and coming up with some tactics that work for you. There's a ton out there. Research it. Dig a little deeper if this is paralyzing you in any way. I want to clear it out. It's time. It's holding you back from your true potential.

[00:06:29] Trust me. I've been there. I get it. So here's another tactic that we can use. It's called the worst case scenario technique. when fear hits one of the best things you can do is assess the actual risk You could ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen? Imagine it. Imagine the worst case scenario in vivid detail. I know this sounds intense and scary. Go ahead and take yourself there. Then once you've thought about it, ask [00:07:00] yourself, Wow, was that so bad? Can I handle it? You'll often realize that the worst case is not as terrible as you thought, and it gives you the courage to move forward.

[00:07:12] I like to think about this too. I talk about this with my best friend Rita. Hey Rita. And she reminds me that the truth lies somewhere in between. So I like this scenario technique, When you're facing a fear, what's the worst thing that could happen if I just cross this line and go for it?

[00:07:28] What's the highest possible outcome? So, again, try that. The truth is somewhere right in the middle. Typically, that's the reality. realize doing this practice is that you can handle it. And that the worst is not as terrible as you thought. It gives you the courage to move forward.

[00:07:50] I used to fear that this podcast would flop. What if people didn't find the value in it? What if I get negative feedback? Once I ask myself, [00:08:00] what's the worst that could happen? Maybe people won't like it, but I can learn from that and I can adjust. This helped me see that fear doesn't need to hold me back and I should just show up as myself and try to make an impact, no matter what, judgment and all.

[00:08:16] Here's another tactic, okay? This is called the fear action reversal. It works wonders. When fear takes a hold, use it as a cue to take action. Instead of freezing or avoiding, take even the smallest step forward, and this helps break that cycle of fear. So when you're afraid, ask what's one small action I can take right now that will move me forward, that will move me toward what I'm afraid of.

[00:08:48] Taking that first step makes a huge difference in turning fear into fuel for progress. So we have to flip it, right? How can we use this as fuel? [00:09:00] Okay, this is scary. I have to get on stage. I have to do a presentation. For me, I'm a singer. I've got to get on stage. I still feel nervous every freaking time.

[00:09:09] All right, I'm just going to take the step. I'm going to walk on stage and I'm going to do the first song. Once you get through that, through those first steps, okay, I'm just going to lay this piece down. I'm going to just move forward. You, you start to dissolve. It's like training yourself. 

[00:09:23] Okay. I recognize you fear. Hey, there you are again. I know you're, here to try to protect me, but I don't need you right now. I'm gonna work through, I'm gonna work with you instead of try to fight you. I had a fear in the beginning of pivoting to full-time entrepreneurship. It took some big life changes to really push me into this, and it was in my twenties at the end of the day honestly, there was a little bit of anger fueling that

[00:09:49] I think I had lost my job and I said, okay, it's time to pivot. I'm not. really enjoying serving somebody else's company in the way that I used to. [00:10:00] I'm not learning from it like I could. I'm going to do this thing. I'm going to go on my own. I had to break it down into small manageable steps and set a date for when I would officially take the leap and start planning.

[00:10:13] Each small action brought me closer to the goal and helped me manage that fear, get new jobs, bring in the custom design work. I was working in my garage, but I somehow pulled it together and made it happen. Small steps, you guys, small steps, one day at a time. One fear facing tactic at a time.

[00:10:34] So some of the common fears that I think creatives face and I do talk to a lot of creatives are fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough. These are all fears that I faced and they show up for everyone. So here's some practical tactics that we can use to reframe these fears.

[00:10:56] So fear of failure. Let's dig into this one. [00:11:00] Reframing failure as a learning is huge. Instead of asking, if I fail, ask, what will I learn? What can I gain from facing this fear? The next one is fear of judgment, And I know this is big for all of us. We're constantly looking at other people, looking at what they're doing and what they're accomplishing.

[00:11:21] And honestly, social media makes it look easy. It's not that easy. Everybody's got to show up and work hard. Everybody's gotta work at the level that they're at. So start by sharing your work. If you're feeling fear around this, putting your work out there or sharing it with a really broad audience. Maybe start small with a trusted group of peers and build confidence like family and friends.

[00:11:47] Use them. That's great. They want to support you. They should anyway. If they don't, find a different peer group. But this will build confidence before a big reveal to the public. So [00:12:00] start small, just start by sharing it, get a little feedback. And take that feedback as what it is, it's feedback.

[00:12:06] It doesn't need to change your course necessarily, unless you decide that's the right way to go. Sometimes you just got to fight through it and stick with your big vision and know and trust that you're going to get there. You just have to keep showing up and crossing each little fear bridge as it shows up and they're going to show up.

[00:12:25] The third one is fear of rejection. So how can we detach ourselves and our self worth from our work? Our self worth can be measured, if we're not careful, by the value of our work. And this is a tough one, because for me, being a school owner, that was a really big part of my identity.

[00:12:48] It really was. I'd show up every day, I was seen as this big, bad, , Bette Barnett told me, you were the big, bad owner of the school, you know, that became part of my identity. [00:13:00] It became a part of this, oh, she's a badass, you know? so detaching myself from that when I decided to sell the school and move into this path that I'm being pulled to to coach and be a personal trainer for jewelers and makers has been really interesting.

[00:13:16] it's taken a long time, honestly, and it's taken a lot of, re evaluating where my value is and where my self worth comes from. It doesn't necessarily come from my work. It comes from me. That's who I, it's who I am. So I'm hoping we can all take feedback. and not a judgment of our value.

[00:13:36] The fourth one is fear of not being good enough. And here I just want you to start celebrating your progress over your perfection. Focus on growth and not comparison. And remember, I know I say this a lot, I'm going to keep saying it, you're exactly where you need to be. Just keep showing up. Just keep getting in the studio.

[00:13:56] Keep making, keep putting the work out there [00:14:00] authentically. Be yourself., I always said if I wrote a book, it would be called Facing All My Fears in Under 40 Years. I'm probably gonna do this someday. So stay tuned. I have faced a lot of big fears I know we all have in life. Losing , our house in a fire, my husband's health scare, having to really sit with the fact that he might not wake up the next day.

[00:14:24] That was a huge fear. Oh my gosh, we have two kids. How am I gonna do this on my own? I had to sit down in that fear and cry and really think about the outcome. What if I get a call in the middle of the night from ICU that he doesn't make it, that he's gone. And that could have happened. He had a pretty severe stroke at the very top of his spine, the base of his skull, where it was pretty serious and he could have passed away overnight.

[00:14:54] I remember sitting down and just feeling that fear, letting it kind of take over my entire [00:15:00] body. It was awful. It's not easy, but At the end of it, there was this moment of clarity, like, wow, if he doesn't make it, you know what, we're going to be okay. I just looked around and realized I'm still here. I have my two feet.

[00:15:18] My boys are safe. I will figure it out. We have family. There's always a solution. So sorry. That's really personal, but facing 40 years is a reality. There's been a lot of things. And it's natural. Fear is natural. . It's not gonna stop coming, and it's not gonna stop us from moving forward either.

[00:15:39] So you have a choice when fear shows up. You can let it hold you back, or you can use it as fuel to move forward. Each time you face a fear, it builds your resilience more and more, and it helps you grow. Or it can knock you down and I think I like the first option better. So this Week. [00:16:00] I want to leave you with a challenge or a practice like I like to do.

[00:16:04] All about the personal growth here. This whole series has been about mindset and I think it's the core of what really pushes us forward. So that's why I'm digging so deep here. I want this week, I want you to choose one fear that's holding you back and take that one small step to confront it.

[00:16:25] Even if that's just observing when and how it shows up in your life. Just tiptoe towards it. So identify the fear. What's holding you back? . Let's reframe it with a positive action or perspective. I always say, track your progress as much as you can. Celebrate those small wins at the end of the week.

[00:16:46] And I don't mean going out for a drink or, you know, having a party over every little small win, but come up with something for yourself that works as the celebration. I like to really focus on those [00:17:00] moments where I'm like, yes, this feels so good. I just recorded two podcasts. I just got them published.

[00:17:07] You know, whatever it is. Celebrate each one. I love following the yes, like that grip and I'm gripping my hands together, the things that just make you your body feel really in alignment with your goals. So celebrate those, sit in those, let it saturate, let those feelings really saturate into your body and your heart, your mind.

[00:17:27] It's gonna help us move forward you guys. It's not easy being an entrepreneur. We need these little wins. So focus on those instead of the failures. Or the fears. And when you cross a bridge or you take a tiny step towards fear, I want you to celebrate that. Okay. So let's recap a little bit. Fear is natural, but it does not have to control you.

[00:17:49] The more you face it, the more you learn how to move through it and use it as fuel and grow. Remember, fear does not stop us. It's not allowed to [00:18:00] stop us from achieving our goals. It just teaches us how to grow.

[00:18:05] Take one small step and don't let fear keep you from becoming the person that you're meant to be. Don't do that to yourself and don't hide it from the people that are ready to receive it. Don't hide your, gifts. Okay, I want you guys, let me know how you're tackling your fears this week. I want to hear from you.

[00:18:26] reach out. You can email me, you can DM me on social. I'm here. I'm ready to listen. And I want to hear what else we need to talk about here. Let's bring it, let's bring it up. Let's do this thing. And don't forget, I did create a free gift for you. So I want you to go to my website and click the free button.

[00:18:45] There's a workbook there that's great for this topic on courage, clarity, and customers. So download it for free. It's a seven page workbook. Take 45 minutes and do the work. this is going to create some fuel for you. I really feel like it's going to [00:19:00] help give you a boost wherever you're at. Maybe you're 35 years at the bench.

[00:19:04] Maybe you're three years, two years, maybe you're three months. Maybe you're thinking about just diving in. Wherever you're at, I want to be here to support you. I'm cheering you on. So follow along at Courtney Gray Arts on social media, Instagram, and Facebook, and share this episode with a friend who might need it.

[00:19:24] Most importantly, I want you to remember how many fears you have already overcome. Think back to something that's been so scary or paralyzing or kept you in that fight, flight, or freeze. Place and let's face it again. Let's do it again. Move forward. Okay guys next week We're gonna dive into another big one money mindset.

[00:19:47] We're gonna talk about Pricing our work and putting it out there in a way that is authentic that is Showing the value of our work and ourselves, right? Until then, I want you to keep moving [00:20:00] forward, tiptoe towards your fears, onward and upward. Thank you for joining me.